It is a lovely wish to have only pleasant, delicious meals, but returning to the here and now, how would that even be possible? The desire to enjoy every bite you eat is unrealistic. Worse, it is potentially very destructive, because the enjoyment you get from eating is a complex experience that can’t be limited only to taste. Choosing to eat only foods that tantalized your tongue would likely cause you to miss the delight that comes from choosing foods that nourish the body and help it function well. When people tell themselves what they “should” experience or do, they can obscure choice, making it hard to find enjoyment. The “should” habit is the tendency to make judgments about what you “should” feel or do. For example, I “should” enjoy my meals more. I “should” stop eating. I “should” start eating. I “should” do one-hundred million things. The “should” habit is exhausting. What’s worse, the “should” habit is draining away your motivation. All the “shoulds” you tell yourself are creating a mental and emotional web of shame that will trap you into being self-critical. “Should” also promotes the feeling of isolation, or thinking you are “the ONLY one” who isn’t doing whatever it is you “should” be doing. The “should” habit can be an unconscious way of blaming yourself. The outcome of all these “shoulds” may lead you to experience shame, which is a belief that at your core, you are unworthy of love and support. Feeling shame is a scary, lonely and harmful experience that mindfulness and mindful eating can help you free yourself from. Recognizing the “should” habit will help gently retrain the mind to become aware of the many choices that are available when eating. This article was adapted from “Breaking the Should Habit,” in Food for Thought, a publication for The Center for Mindful Eating.
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Caroline Baerten July 27, 2017
Sharon Theroux February 27, 2017
